So first up I will be going to Ireland and UK from April 28-May 19th. Then I am going to bike to the south of France to Portugal if I can manage and got the time. Finally my flight is from Amsterdam back to Toronto on July 1st, 2015.
This is going to be an epic trip I can already sense it. It's probably going to be my last big trip since I should get started on my hostel business. But already there has already been some speed bumps, writing it down here helps me keep sane and focused on the bigger picture.
So the first speed bump is my girlfriend and I broke up. She actually called me up today and we spoke very briefly. It sounded like she was crying on her end. I was calm almost stoic but deep down I was feeling it as well. So the whole situation is that we been dating for about 3-4 month in France. When we first got together there was the honeymoon period. We had both thought the distance between Vancouver and Toronto was not going to be a big deal at all. But after 1 week we quickly realized the impracticality of it all. But we were optimistic and agreed to live in the present.
This continued for some time and it was great. We had amazing times together like traveling to Mutzig fortress with her parents, Dijon and of course our regular rock climbing session. I think the relationship took a turn (for better imo) in Dijon. Prior to that I had felt the power imbalance in the relationship with her having more power. I was too into Alexia and told her as much. But we had a really great discussion in Dijon and I felt the power shift more into my favor or being about equal. The reason why I decided to talk so openly about this with her is I had thought our relationship would last not forever but for a significant amount of time. Significant enough for me to warrant this talk to ensure our continued happiness. In any case we returned from Dijon happy as ever as far as I can tell.
Fast-track to about 1 month ago. I realized there were somethings really bothering me about Alexia's personality her unique essence. I knew people don't change. So I did not ask her to. But I also knew me, and couldn't see us together after France. So we had our second serious talk. I told her we were probably going to break up after France. We both agreed that seemed to be the most rational course. I didn't think the news would affect either of us that much because we are both very rational people. But I think just stating out the future explicitly and coming to terms with it really put the nail in the coffin for our romance.
I could feel Alexia feeling more guarded around me when we went out together soon after. Our rock climbing sessions and time together lost that shine. Sometimes last week before I left for Frankfurt I went to Strasbourg and we had another serious discussion about relationships and living in the moment. I had also started to read a book called the "Superior Man" which has some very interesting and non PC ideas about gender equality to the casual observer. But in my opinion people need to actually read it to understand the bigger picture. We agreed that Alexia was becoming more guarded due to the timeline on our relationship. I tried my best to convince her it was much better to live in the moment. But easier said then done right?
Finally today Alexia called me and broke up with me. I had anticipated this happening based on our previous conversations and texts. But it still feels.
Writing this really help me comes to term with this. I tried to write the story as I see it as objectively as possible but of course there are biases and one sided-ness to every story. I am not mad, hurt or frustrated at this point, The best way to describe it would be this empty feeling or lack of comfort. But I know I will be ok it just takes time and distractions at this point.
Despite all her quirks. I really liked Alexia. She was one of those amazing girls who could be silly, deep and really knows what she wants. We had the best conversations about relationships, the world and even philosophy (probably the best I have had of any ex girlfriends). Of course she is not as good as rock climbing as me, but she is always up to challenge herself ;D And she is really considerate of other people's feelings (to a fault sometimes imo :D)
The world is so big I am sure Alexia will find someone and they will make each other very happy. As for me I am also optimistic this will happen. The most important thing at this point in my life is to build my character and self develop. I have actually learned a lot these past few month thanks to my travels and Alexia. The biggest of which is my French improvements which I have Alexia to thank.
This turned from a Summer plans update to my talking about my relationship. But C'est la vie mais c'est un vie tres interresant et jolie!
A plus ma petite tete de ouiseau!
Jack.
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