Created a song: 顺其自然

 Made a song. Found out its pretty hard to publish on spotify lols.

Will dig deeper into it later. Pretty fun project for wintery Sunday. 

 

Peace from Toronto

Are MBTI predictors a scam?

I am not a 迷信 person. I want to say that overall I am quite scientific in my thinking and reasoning. That is why I never believe anything to do with astrology, blood types etc. However the MBTI test is science backed... or so I thought. 

In the last 3 month since I was hypomanic, I have been down a deep rabbit hole to try to understand myself better. 

I recall doing the MBTI test while on a drive to Blue Mountain last year. At the time, my score was INTJ. 

Today,  I decided to see if the results still hold up. The results became ENTJ-T. 

Finally I decided that maybe just for fun, how does Chatgpt see me? 

The prompt I used specifically is: "based on everything i told you so far. ascertain my MBTI. Don't use the chats where I told you I am INTJ" 

Again it came back with a different result: ESTP (with unusually strong strategic/reflective traits). 

So all that is to say, which one is it? Lols. 

I am quite confused myself. To be honest I have no strong answer at this point, but I am more inclined to believe Chatgpt since the data points are extensive based on all my chat logs. 

As I dug deeper into this topic, I found some really interesting videos from vox and other sources basically confirming my suspicions. These tests are all positive in nature in describing the person. And they are often vague enough that it can apply to a multitude of people; just like astrology or blood type personality indicators. 

We as humans love to fit neatly and categorize into distinct boxes. It has helped our ancestors survive to this day. 

On the other hand, to say that these tests offer no meaning would also miss the mark. I think they can give you a good snapshot of who you are as a person. Especially useful when getting to know another person/stranger. But ultimately it is necessary to do introspection and ask for external feedback to see if the test outcomes hold true. 

Peace from Toronto

The Proust Questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
   Waking up with the sunrise on a seaside location. Taking a walk with my dog and drinking some warm tea or coffee with my partner. We are in our campervan and have the freedom to go wherever we want.

2. What is your greatest fear?
   Death

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
   Narcissism

1. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
   Placing others on a scale of value based solely on what they earn or their job.

2. Which living person do you most admire?
   Elon Musk
   
   

3. What is your greatest extravagance?
   Buying tech gadgets/toys + rock climbing gear.
   

4. What is your current state of mind?
   Chaos + Calm (Yin + Yang)

5. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
   Hard work for a company that is not your own.

6. On what occasion do you lie?
   To save myself and others from pain. 

7. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
   My face is big and round.

8. Which living person do you most despise?
   Mitch McConnell

9. What is the quality you most like in a man?
   Being straight forward.

10. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
    Have an understanding how the world works.

11. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
    True say, Good Session Everybody

12. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
    Izzy 

13. When and where were you happiest?
    Bicycling the south of France from Nice to Barcelona.

14. Which talent would you most like to have?
    Guitar skills.

15. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
    Narcissism. 

16. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
    Managing my bipolar type 1 disorder.

17. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
    Come back as myself but with the memories and knowledge of my past life. 

18. Where would you most like to live?
    If money is of no concern: South of France (St. Tropez)
    If money is of concern: Rawaii Thailand, Cozumel Mexico, Roatan Honduras 

19. What is your most treasured possession?
    My cellphone

20. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
    2018 when I lied in bed for 1 year in a state of deep depression. 

21. What is your favorite occupation?
    Key Account Manager at foodora Australia. 

22. What is your most marked characteristic?
    I like to optimize systems. 

23. What do you most value in your friends?
    Honesty

24. Who are your favorite writers?
    Khaled Hosseini, Harumi Murakami, Dan Gilbert, Dan Ariely, Richard Dawkins

25. Who is your hero of fiction?
    Batman

26. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
    Qin Shi huang

27. Who are your heroes in real life?
    My grandfather

28. What are your favorite names?
    Summer, April, Luke, Jay

29. What is it that you most dislike?
    Urban sprawl and the dependance on cars in cities.

30. What is your greatest regret?
    Not remaining in Australia after hospitalization

31. How would you like to die?
    I don't want to die,  I am hopeful that by the time I am 80 we can upload our consciousness to the cloud and continue existing indefinitely. 

32. What is your motto?
    JOLO (joy of missing out)

What to do now..... (2017-04-08)

I am at a crossroad in my life. Due to certain events in my life I am forced to choose and choose quickly one way or another. In terms of making the "correct decision" I have decided to use a technique utilized by "Fastlane Millionaires" by MJ Demarco.

Options:
1. Continue working at foodora
I have already begun working part time again at foodora. Soon I will be transitioning into full time. In terms of resuming working. I have two more options:

a) take some more time off (I still feel quite depressed and lacking in energy)
b) continue with original plan and work 2 week part time then full time.

( + ): This will provide stability and routine to my life. it will provide stable income. Izzy is very happy with this plan.
( -  ): I don't feel motivated to work at foodora currently. It may be due to this dramatic event of being hospitalized, I feel like life is too short to simply waste away working for something you are not passionate in.
Izzy: In favor of this decision.

2. Go all out on my own project

I have this crazy idea of working for myself and making a name / wealth for myself before the age of 35. This goal out there and definitely unconventional. With the nature of my visa and Izzy's visa, currently we would only be able to stay in Australia for another 4 month maximum. Also there is no guarantee that I will be able to do what I propose: make $ through airbnb and making youtube videos on Australia and traveling Australia.

( + ): This is my passion. Every happy moment I can think of involves traveling. The happiest time I have been by myself was when I did the bike trip in the south of France. The happiest time I have been with Izzy is when we were together in Mexico on a scooter.
(  - ): This is a risky venture and the backup options are not ideal.
Izzy: Against this decision.

Mental Health （2017-03-17)

It has been a while since I last wrote a blog entry. Can you blame me? So much as happened to me and with me involved. Sometimes my life seems like a movie, I am definitely the main character in it. I can be in control of the plot sometimes and sometimes I am taken by surprise. This past few month the latter has dominated.

I guess the biggest change since arriving to Australia is my mental health. I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder on Jan 12, 2017. This comes right after I was admitted to the hospital and put on a compulsory treatment order. I stayed in the hospital for about 1 month and a half and was finally discharged at the end of February, (To be honest I knew I had this condition since 9 month ago in Canada, but I have been able to manage it myself, but the change in environment and success in all sectors of my life really pushed me to a hypermanic state)

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness affecting about 2% of the population. It is a combination of depression and manic states. For a period of time I am on top of the world and take on many projects. But when the high drops, I am rolling around in bed feeling lethargic.

Luckily I had a super supportive network of family and friends. (My mom and dad came over from Canada, not to mention Izzy who visited me everyday while I was in hospital). I am really blessed all things considered. Even though I have not thought as much prior to writing this post.

My thoughts since discharge has always been: "WHY ME!", "THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORST THING" etc etc. But now reflecting on the experience I really am THANKFUL I came out of the hospital so quickly and smoothly. Along the way I learned a lot about myself and my mental states, new coping strategies such as meditation etc.

My work at foodora has also been super supportive, they offered me temporary part time as I readjust back to civilian life. I have been back to work since March 14th. I think I need to ask for some more time off because I don't want to jeopardize my own recovery plan with regards to my illness.

That is it for now I will update more as this is good for my recovery. Perhaps it can help someone with the same condition.

The view from the bench

Another bed, I moved around a lot

Tried to learn some guitars

Awesome bench where I relax a lot for Jack time

Art studio

Breakfast

My bed

Daily therapy sessions inside the hospital.

Free bouldering wall in Melbourne with my bike in the shot.

P.S. Just remembered a really good quote from my friend Andrew who said:

"Problems never go away, we just upgrade problems."
"With great responsibilities come great power"

Peace from Melbourne.

___

Originally written March 17th.

Dear future depressed self

You did it. You overcame all obstacles to be where you are today. Don’t be backwards looking. Look forward into the future with optimism in your mind.

Look at everything you have accomplished so far, forget the nay-sayers. Because at the end of the day, those who criticize don’t matter as they never entered the arena to begin with. They are merely spectators in the game of life.  (paraphrased from Churchill, MacCarthur?)

You are a true champion. You who toiled and battled in the game of life, you will achieve happiness and you are happy. Because at the end of the day happiness comes from within and nothing in this world matters other than time and relationships.

Both of which you have in spades and are prioritizing above all else. 

Here is to you future self! :D
_____________

Originally written on November 22nd, 2016 while on the flight from YYZ->KUL.

I set the date for publishing for December 22nd, 2016 because I have noticed I get big highs for a period of time then I will go back to average or even below average emotional state. This is an experiment to see if the act of writing and reading this will minimize the lows and maximize the highs. 

How America became a superpower

This video from Vox is amazing. I love this channel on youtube.